i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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