I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
