Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
