Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And then he peed in my hair
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