I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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