im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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