Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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