I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
