Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
