Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
