The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
