when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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