I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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