I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
