Apparently you make a good broom.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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