My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
