I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
