everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
