That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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