I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
