no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize