Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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