i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
