Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
