he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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