brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
