WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
