O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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