: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
