im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
