eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
