Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
