You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
