I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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