I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want to make out with him forever
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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