id be glad to
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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