now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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