I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
