Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
