I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
