guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
