i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
