So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
