My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize