I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize