Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
