Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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