she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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