sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
