I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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