Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
