Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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