i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize