im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
