Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
