okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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