I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
