All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
