I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
