just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So squirting runs in the family.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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