Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
