I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
