so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
