well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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