I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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