Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
