Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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