Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Houston, we have a squirter
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
