he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
