I want to have your abortion
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
