Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize