i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The uberlube is also flammable
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
