Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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