The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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