I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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