You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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