Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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