Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
