Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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