This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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