The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
