i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
