please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
