I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
