remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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