i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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