she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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