My pussy is not your playground.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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