They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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