all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
