He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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