she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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