He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
