The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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