Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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