Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
