this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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