you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
