i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
