how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
