Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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