Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
