Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
