her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
