you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
