well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
