My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
