I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
