People with herpes should wear stickers.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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